Monday, 20 September 2021

EF56 paragraph examples from homework

 Today’s agenda

We are starting our third week.

Continue work on paragraph writing- your examples from HW

“United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights” 

Volunteers stand up and tell us about why you chose the article you did.

REWRITE Quiz#1 (optional).

HW



Tuesday

Continue paragraph writing – grabbers, a few more of your examples

WED- Test#1- paragraph

Begin work on compound sentences

HW Read about Amnesty International.

https://amnesty.ca/

https://amnesty.ca/who-we-are/

https://amnesty.ca/what-we-do/

https://amnesty.ca/what-you-can-do/



Wednesday


Test#1 paragraph

Continue work on compound sentences

Begin work on Amnesty International

Letter writing



Thursday

Civil Rights- Rosa Parks, Viola Desmond, civil rights in Canada, First Nations, Chinese Canadians


Friday

Continue Civil Rights- Rosa Parks, Viola Desmond, civil rights in Canada, First Nations, Chinese Canadians


Next week – First Nations all week, September 30th- Nation Day for 

Truth and Reconciliation

https://www.canada.ca/en/department-national-defence/maple-leaf/defence/2021/07/federal-statutory-holiday-national-day-for-truth-and-reconciliation.html




Paragraph writing- (150-200 word)

*First paragraph this week on Human Rights, will not be a difficult question


STRUCTURE

Grabber/Hook (optional- good idea) * teach grabbers/hooks today

Topic sentence- address the topic/question, ‘answer’ it, refer directly to 

the topic/question

Supporting sentences- give details, examples, explain your ideas as 

clearly as you can

Concluding sentence- wrap up, closer, brings the paragraph to an end

FORMAT

- 8 ½ * 11 inch lined paper or email attachment

- doublespace

- font size 14-16 point (computer)

- follow the margins, red lines

-name and class in top righthand corner



YOUR EXAMPLE PARAGRAPHS THAT YOU EMAILED ME:

I want to go over them with you as I would if I were marking them.

What I notice:

1. How does it look on the page? format, font, length

2.


Example #1:

-Looks good- indented, one block of writing (a box of writing), good length 211 words (150-200 approx. is our aim), font is a good size, 14pts


-nice clear topic sentence

Playing the piano is really fun for me to do and I make it a hobby all the time. Is there anyone who doesn't like the sound of the piano? When I was only eleven years old, I had an interest on how to play the piano. I just thought of trying to play the piano when I joined the youth choir because I noticed this in our head choir?. While the choir sang, our head choirWO choir head played the piano. When the first time I started to learn to play the piano was not easy. The first time I started to learn to play the piano, it was not easy. You pron I have had to work hard to figure out how to start a lesson to play the piano. Even though it was so hard for me to play the piano, I didn’t stop because this is really what I want to learn in my life. I did my best to learn to play the piano so I was able now to learn it on my own effort. I feel so happy every time I play the piano. When I play the piano, it can relieves stress on me so when I feel sad I go through it by playing the piano. The next time I feel sadness again, I will go through it by playing the piano.


Good writing. Strong sentences. Well written.

5/6


For a title, most people just write down the question.



Example #2

My first impression: too long, edit it down, cut down the length

-indent, TAB key beside the ‘Q’


I had been studied vf English from elementary school to university school in ABCLand,  After I graduated from university, I got the chance to worked vf as a marketing manager in a America company-Intel, I had to use English as the preferred language during working, I found my English skill was not good enough to handle all the communication both on talking and writing.  NO TOPIC SENTENCE SO FAR- I CAN’T TELL WHAT THE PARAGRAPH IS FOCUSSED ON From then on, I had a very strong expectation to get a chance to go back to school and improve my English communication skills . When I came to Canada, I worked in a ABCLanguage media company as a advertising consultant, my clients are all ABCLanguage and there is no chance to practice English during work, and most of my friends are ABCLanguage, we talked ABCLanguage during life, I felt my English was going down very seriously, but I do want to improve my English language skills to make me understand the Canada’s culture, I do hope to have the ability to talking with local people fluently. A friend of mine introduced her learning experience in South Hill Education Center to me , she started learning English from Very beginning here and after several years professional training she can speak English very fluently and worked in a local company now. She praised South Hill Education center played a very important role and she felt very appreciated and good luck to have a chance to study here. I registered for studying English here without any hesitation after her introduction, I will study English hard from now on and hope to find the right way to improve my English here.


NO CLEAR FOCUS- THIS PARAGRPH NEED A REWRITE STARTING WITH A GOOD TOPIC SENTENCE

UNFOCUSSED

“Why are you studying English at South Hill?”


EXAMPLE OF A SIMPLE TOPIC SENTENCE:

‘I am studying English at SHEC for three reasons.’

A topic sentence gives your writing focus.


It’s like a leaf blowing in the breeze compared to a paper airplane.

it’s = it is 


My dog is hiding under the bed. It is like he is afraid of something. 

it is like – this kind of situation

like- similar, comparison ‘My glasses are like your glasses.’

like(v) – enjoy, drawn to it “I like your glasses.’

She looks like her mother.

He acts like a real gentleman.

Sarah talks like she is a movie star.

 Joe drives like a maniac.



Example #3:

- a bit short (134 words) should be 150-200 words

-structure looks good


Why am I studying English at South Hill? This is an interesting question. What is an interesting question? Be clearer I thought about it for a while just now. Let the rreader what you’re writing about. When I decided to study English in High School, I searched the adult High School online and found South Hill Education Center was nearest my home. Then I called to the office, a . A nice girl woman/lady/person told me what materials I need to send to her. I felt she is very funny and made me happy and relaxed because she made a joke to me. She said “I am drunk. Maybe I drink more coffee.”  I like this school because of her. But it’s a pity I don’t know her name. Next, I enrolled and studied at Hill Education Center. Teachers and office staffs who I met were super nice. That’s why I am studying English at South Hill Education Center. TOPIC SENTENCE IS AT THE END- My advice: put the TS at the beginning of your paragraph

EF5 4/6

EF6 3.5/6



I’d be happy to do couple or a few more tomorrow.


*10 minute break


Grabbers – tomorrow



United Nations Universal Declaraton of Human Rights

Your work – choose ana article, tell the class why you chose it


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