E10/ EF7 10:20 Summer Camp possible solutions

Kernel- centre, foundation

Wallacheen is a camp.

The camp operates in the summer. –don’t repeat words

POSSIBLE WAYS TO COMBINE:

Wallacheen is a camp that/which operates in the summer.

Wallacheen is a summer camp.

The camp is for children.

Wallacheen is a camp that is for children which operates in the summer.

Wallacheen is a summer camp for children. SHORTER, DENSER

Wallacheen is a summer camp for children who are six to twelve years old.

Wallacheen is a summer camp for children (who are) aged six to twelve years old.

Wallacheen is a summer camp that teaches arts and crafts for (to) six to twelve-year-old children.

Wallacheen is a summer arts and crafts camp for six to twelve-year-olds.

2.        The children stay for a week without parents; they sleep in log cabins and sometimes outdoors.

The children, who stay for a week without parents, sleep in log cabins and sometimes outdoors.

The children stay for a week without parents and sleep in log cabins; sometimes, they sleep outdoors.

The children stay for a week without parents, sleeping in cabins made of logs or sometimes outdoors.

While the children stay for a week without parents, they sleep in cabins made of logs or sometimes outdoors.

3.        The counsellors and cabin leaders are teenagers who are fifteen to eighteen years old; they are bright and knowledgeable about children.

The counsellors and cabin leaders are bright fifteen to eighteen-year-old teenagers who are knowledgeable about children.

The counsellors and cabin leaders, bright fifteen to eighteen-year-old teenagers, are knowledgeable about children. APPOSITIVE

The bright fifteen to eighteen-year-old teenaged counsellors and cabin leaders are knowledgeable about children.

4.        They act as big brothers and sisters and (to) help the children who are bored and sometimes afraid.

They act as big brothers and big sisters to help the bored and sometimes afraid scared/ frightened children.

They act as big brothers and big sisters, helping the bored and sometimes afraid scared/ frightened children.

The children, who are bored and sometimes scared, are helped by the counsellors who act as big brothers and sisters. PASSIVE VOICE- weak

5.        They are like all camp counsellors who find the job easy in the sunshine and hard in bad weather.

They are like all camp counsellors in that they find the job easy in the sunshine and hard in bad weather.

Like all camp counsellors, they find the job easy in the sunshine and hard in bad weather.