EF6 Big Game Hunting

1. Joshua, who is eleven years old, works
Joshua, an eleven-year-old, works
Joshua is an eleven-year-old who works
Joshua is eleven years old and works

hyphen - noun modifies a noun, NO s

a big tall boy
a six-foot boy

2. His father owns a ranch that caters to people; in fact,the people like 
His father owns a ranch that caters to people who like

SIMPLE IS GOOD,  SIMPLE IS NOT EASY

3.  overnight hunting trip
a three-day hunting trip
The hunting trip lasted three days.

5.  He must take care of the horses and the gear and supervise the food; also, he must ensure the safety of his clients and make sure that they shoot, catch or photograph whatever they seek.

EF6 Giver ""

What was Jonas' dream?

PROCESS

Ch5
"felt slightly embarrased"
tub, warm
bath
Fiona luaghing
Jonas "little angry at her" (35)
"take off her clothes" (36)
memoery was "murky and vague"
"feelings were clear" strong
NARRATIVE- TIME

ROUGH COPY           Jonas' dream was about Fiona.  He felt "slightly embarased" telling the dream to his family about how he dreamed anbout hving a bath with Fiona.  He told them how |he was a "little angry"that F|iona was laughin at him becuase he wanted to "take off her clothes".  As he told the sstory to his pparents and little sister, he remebered the emotions more than the "murky and vauge deatils".  In tte end. the sory showed his parents that he needed to sat taking the pill.

EDITED COPY      Jonas' dream was about Fiona.  He felt "slightly embarrassed" (36) telling his family about how he dreamed about having a bath with Fiona.  He told them how he was a "little angry" (35) that Fiona was laughing at him because he wanted to "take off her clothes" (36).  As he told the story to his parents and little sister, he remembered the emotions that he felt more than the "murky and vague details".  In the end. the story showed his parents that he needed to start taking the pill.

EF6 Quotations

When Jonas saw the airplane flying over his community, he felt a "deep, sickening feeling" (1) because he knew that there was going to be trouble.  LESS IS MORE

When Jonas saw the airplane flying over his community, he felt a "deep, sick feeling" because he knew that there was going to be trouble. NOT A QUOTATION

Jonas "felt miserable" (37) after he was skipped over at the Ceremony of Twelve.


... ellipsis
When Asher was apologizing to the class for his lateness, he was "standing to make his public apology as was required." (3)
When Asher was apologizing to the class for his lateness, he was "standing... as was required." (3)

***

SOURCE OF CONFUSION

I like cats, dogs, fish... NOT ENGLISH

I like cats, dogs, fish, etc. ENGLISH, LATIN et cetera and others

***

When children were given their jobs, it was a "secret selection, made by the leaders of the community, the Committee of Elders". (15)
When children were given their jobs, it was a "secret selection, made by... the Committee of Elders". (15) HAS TO GRAMMATICAL

When children were given their jobs, it was a "secret selection... the Committee of Elders". (15) NOT GRAMMATICAL

When children were given their jobs, it was a "secret selection... [of] the Committee of Elders". (15)

[] square brackets- adding a word for that the quotation is grammatical

BASIC TOOLS
" "
... ellipsis
[] square brackets

"unsteady legs" (11)
The little kids at the Ceremony of One were walking on "unsteady legs" (11) as the people watched.


After the ceremony, "all of [Jonas' friends] felt happy" (14) because they got good assignments. 

After the ceremony, Jonas' friends "felt happy" (14) because they got good assignments.

KISS Keep it simple, silly.

Asher showed "after the party that [Jonas]... took the [diploma] to the ... Giver's...house" (16) NO GOOD, A MESS

EF6 Rock Concert sentence combining

KERNEL
1.  The heavy-metal band pounds out loud, steady, hard rock and roll music.
The heavy-metal band loudly and steadily pounds out hard rock and roll music.
2.  The young audience is captivated.
The audience is captivated (a) and young.  UNNATURAL
They captivated (v) the young audience.
3.  The spectators wave their arms which is in rhythm OVERWRITTEN and sing every word with the band.
The spectators wave their arms in rhythm and sing every word with the band.
4.  The stadium loses power.  When everything goes black, the crowd responds with excited cheers.
When/ Even though the stadium loses power and everything goes black, the crowd responds with excited cheers/cheering.
The crowd responds with excitement and cheers.
The crowd responds excitedly with cheers.

WORD FORMS

SENTENCE VARIETY

EF6 Using quotations

“” quotation marks, citation, citing

evidence, proof- support your points

People in the town believe that the Wise Woman was “married to the devil.”

People in the town believe that the Wise Woman and the devil were a couple/ wife and husband. RESTATE TEXT- NO “”

The witch could grant any seemingly “impossible favour” that a townperson might ask of her. GRAMMATICAL

The witch could help any townsperson “impossible favour”. NOT GRAMMATICAL

When the witch was locked in the jail, she drew an “enormous ship” on the wall.

QUOTE ONLY A FEW WORDS, 4-5 WORDS

INCORPORATE

The Wise Woman was well known. “very beautiful woman”

The Wise Woman was well known as a “very beautiful woman”.

The Wise Woman, who was “very beautiful”, was well known as a magic person.

The “Wise Woman” was “a very beautiful woman” who “helped those in difficulty”.  In fact, she “fulfilled nonetheless their wishes”.  Actually, she “was clearly a witch.” NO GOOD

The Wise Woman was a “very beautiful woman”.  People really liked this “very beautiful woman.”  The young men also liked her because she was “a very beautiful woman.”

EF6 practice persuasive paragraph

Topic sentence: topic, controlling idea

Rollo was not justified in killing Mike for several reasons.

In the story "Trial in the Bank Saloon", the main character, Rollo Moon, did not have good enough reason/ sufficient cause/ reasonable grounds to stab to death the bartender, Mike Lynch.

First, Firstly, First of all, To begin, To begin with, Initially, the act was illegal.  Everybody needs to respect the law of the land and act as law-abiding citizens.

Secondly, Next, In the second place, Rollo didn't have enough evidence that Mike had cheated him.  Therefore, Rollo shouldn't have done that to Mike.

Finally, Most importantly, Moreover, people in a civilized society should not take the law into their own hands.  They must leave judgement and punishment up to the police and the legal system/ law, court, judges to decide.

CONCLUDING SENTENCE- RESTATE TOPIC SENTENCE
In conclusion/ Therefore/ In the end/ To sum up/ As a result/ Based on the example above/ To conclude/  You will agree that.../ Obviously/ Rollo should not have killed Mike.
Rollo should have walked away from Mike and alerted the authorities rather than acting in such an impulsive and violent way.




GOOD COPY

      In the story "Trial in the Bank Saloon", the main character, Rollo Moon, did not have good reasonable grounds to stab to death the bartender, Mike Lynch. To begin with, the act was illegal.  Everybody needs to respect the law of the land and act as law-abiding citizens.  In the second place, Rollo didn't have enough evidence that Mike had cheated him.  Therefore, Rollo shouldn't have done that to Mike.  Most importantly, people in a civilized society should not take the law into their own hands.  They must leave judgement and punishment up to the police and the legal system to decide.  In conclusion, Rollo should not have killed Mike.  Rollo should have walked away from Mike and alerted the authorities rather than acting in such an impulsive and violent way.

EF6 Backstage sentence combining

1. kernel  We were preparing for our play's second performance.
We were preparing for our the second performance of our play while / ,so the dressing room was in a state.

We were preparing for our play's second performance, so the dressing...

We were preparing for our the second performance of our play; therefore / for this reason, the dressing room was in a state.

2. Racks for costumes were scattered
Costume racks were scattered, and trays were scattered... REP
Both costume racks and makeup trays were scattered around the room. SIMPLE
Around the room were scattered costume racks and makeup trays.

3. Helpers were dressing cast members and applying their makeup; nearly everyone was nervous. 
Nearly everyone was nervous as helpers were dressing cast members and applying their makeup.

4. The female lead could not do something get her wig to stay on properly; also, the male lead was having a tug-of-war with a pair of suspenders that would not cooperate.

The female lead could not do something get her wig to stay on properly; at the same time / meanwhile, the male lead was having a tug-of-war with an uncooperative (adj) pair of suspenders.


SENTENCE VARIETY- SIMPLE, COMPOUND, COMPLEX, COMPOUND-COMPLEX