Comm 11/12 Sentence combining Bungee Jumping

coincidence

1.The moment of truth arrived.
Max had felt raw panic.

panic attack - freak out

When the moment of truth arrived, Max had felt raw panic. COMPLEX -adverb clause

Max had felt raw panic when the moment of truth arrived.

The moment of truth arrived when Max had felt raw panic.

The moment of truth arrived, so Max had felt raw panic. COMPOUND

The moment of truth arrived, and Max had felt raw panic.

As/Because the moment of truth arrived, Max had felt raw panic.

FANCIER

The moment of truth arrived for Max, who felt raw panic. ADJ CL

commas usage is very personal- trust your judgement

2. He stood atop the bungee tower and felt a jackhammer in his chest. SIMPLE

He stood atop the bungee tower, feeling a jackhammer in his chest. VERY NATURAL

He stood atop the bungee tower, and he felt a jackhammer in his chest. COMPOUND

Feeling a jackhammer in his chest, he stood atop the bungee tower.

Standing atop the bungee tower, he felt a jackhammer in his chest. VERY HIGH QUALITY SENTENCE

3. His mind screamed one repeated thought, "What am I doing here?"

His mind screamed one repeated thought: "What am I doing here?" MORE ENERGY

His mind screamed one repeated thought--"What am I doing here?" DASH GIVES ENERGY

colons :

She has two kids: one boy and one girl.

Joe is taking three classes at SHEC: Comm 12, Eng 12, and Bio11.

hyphen -

dash -- (no break)

  

4. Far below was the parking lot where car windows glinted in the sun. COMPLEX-adj cl

Far below was the parking lot, car windows glinting in the sun. BEAUTIFUL SENTENCE

Car windows glinted in the sun far below in the parking lot. SIMPLE - direct, clear, strong, "masculine" sexist?

5. Traffic streamed by on the highway, a small plane droning in the distance.

Traffic streamed by on the highway where a small plane droned in the distance.

Traffic streamed by on the highway, and a small plane droned in the distance.

Traffic streamed by on the highway; meanwhile, a small plane droned in the distance.

6. Max squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he'd never accepted the dare.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he wished he'd never accepted the dare.

Max squeezed his eyes shut, and he wished that he'd never accepted the dare. NOUN CLAUSE

7,"You're eighteen, but you're going to die." he told himself. ?????

8. Then suddenly he was weightless and falling headlong toward earth.