Good evening, everybody.
We will get started at 7:00.
Cameras on. Mics muted until you are ready to talk.
Today’s
agenda:
·
Review homework paragraphs
·
Topic for discussion: Old people should live
with their families, not in an old-age home.
Reflect on the topic. Be prepared to
contribute to the discussion
·
Replacement quiz for the people who signed up
for it.
Monday – Test#1- paragraph of 100-150 words, easy topic,
first paragraph
**NOTICE**
Next week, I will be away Tuesday and Thursday. I have
provincial meeting regarding Adult Education. There will be a substitute
teacher.
HOMEWORK:
Here are three topics for a paragraph. Choose one and
write a nice, well-organized paragraph of about 100-150 words for homework. You
can email it to me if you want. This is not for marks. This is practice for
you. We will do our Test#1 paragraph on Monday.
1.
Why did you come to Canada?
2.
Adapting to a new culture is difficult.
3.
Is the internet harmful to children?
Structure of a paragraph
-Grabber
-Topic sentence
-3-4 supporting points
-Concluding sentence
About 100-150 is an approximation.
160 words is ok. 250 words is not ok. 100 words is the minimum. 100-150 words
is the sweet spot.
I changed country names to ‘ABC Country’ to keep
the paragraphs anonymous.
Example #1
FORMAT – paragraph one block of writing
“I come to Canada because I wish to start a new
life.”
This was the first reason that I told for
inmigration worker, when he asked me in the control-check point in Vacouver
airport. I was very excited and nervious at the same time. After I pasted this
control I was very happy.
The first moments before leave from the aiport was
nice and special , I was walking like in a
first nation exposition I felt that I am in other country it was
amazing.
I took the local transport because I like know how the local people move around the
city.
I arrived at home and I went to sleep very early,
I was very tired after more 24 hours traveling.
Tomorrow will be a new day on my new life.
INDENT the first word of the paragraph
Use the TAB key, beside the Q key, to indent.
You can hit the SPACE BAR six times.
“I come to
Canada because I wish to start a new life.” This was the first reason that I
told the inmigration worker, when he asked me in the control-check point in Vancouver
airport. I was very excited and nervious at the same time. After I pasted this
control I was very happy. The first moments before leave from the aiport was
nice and special , I was walking like in a
first nation exposition I felt that I am in other country it was
amazing. I took the local transport because I like know how the local people move around the
city. I arrived at home and I went to sleep very early, I was very tired after
more 24 hours traveling. Tomorrow will be a new day on my new life.
This paragraph is not on-topic.
TOPIC: Describe when you first came to Canada.
MY TOPIC: Why
did you come to Canada?
Example#2
Over use of internet can be very harmful to children from
health to life style.
health wise first affecting eyes if children because
watching a monitor. If children stay to much on the internet , it will cause
addiction to internet also content that they watch on the internet.
Internet can’t be
replaced by social, some children think , they can find social on the internet
but it’s not true, you can’t find social life on the internet it’s just cyber
social.
Games from internet
can be harmful , children can spend lot’s of time on the internet, and
it cause a addiction, internet takes real life from child.
growing in a age of internet is very different from children
who didn’t grow up with internet. If child spend plenty of time on the internet
, that child will be come lonely person without having people around him. if
child won’t be able to communicate out side of internet, that child in a real
life will be lonely.
Having too much internet in daily life will reduce life
activity like sport and other daily activity.
Example#3
NO GRABBER
Over use of internet can be very
harmful to children from health to life style. health CAP wise first
affecting eyes if children because watching a monitor. If children stay too
much on the internet , it will cause addiction to internet also content that
they watch on the internet. Internet
can’t be replaced by social, some children think , they can find social on the
internet but it’s not true, you can’t find social life on the internet it’s
just cyber social. Games from internet
can be harmful , children can spend lot’s of time on the internet, and
it cause a addiction, internet takes real life from child. growing in a age of
internet is very different from children who didn’t grow up with internet. If
child spend plenty of time on the internet , that child will be come lonely
person without having people around him. if child won’t be able to communicate
out side of internet, that child in a real life will be lonely. Having too much
internet in daily life will reduce life activity like sport and other daily
activity.
These are not sentences. The writing has to be simple,
compound, and complex sentences like we have been practicing.
Probable good ideas, but the sentences need to be rewritten.
Example #4
NO GRABBER
I chose to come to Canada for three
reasons. First, my husband is from
Vancouver. he CAP wanted to go back to his country. We married in ABC
Country, and he stayed there for five years. He missed his family. His mum got
cancer, but right now she is well. Second, when our son was one and a half
years old, he was sick a lot from my city's air pollution. The doctor
recommended returning to Vancouver would be good for him. Lastly, he is a
school principal. He thought if he stayed in ABC Country too long, then he
would have a hard time finding a job back in Vancouver. So Therefore, we decided to move to
Vancouver.
Well-organized.
Well-written.
Example#5
Everything in the world
has advantages and disadvantages. According to science, technology and World
changes, the internet is important. For me, I can say, Yes, it is harmful or
No, it is not because of the following reasons. Yes, if you can give children
freedom of using the internet at any time and everything they want to see
without parents guidance DIVIDE IT. CAP you can schedule the time
and how to use the internet with your guidance, in order to learn and to go
together with World changes.DIVIDE IT It's better for parents to be strict
and speak one language?? to their children to save them from
disasters??.
Good structure.
Divide up your long sentences. Use simple, compound, and
complex sentences.
Confusing words at the end: ‘speak one language’ ‘disaster’
WW – does not convey clear meaning
It would be much better with a rewrite.
Example #6
I’m form from ABC
Country, but I lived in DEF Country . My family still lives there . In ABC Country , life is very difficult because of discrimination of
people of different cultures. I lived in DEF Country for 25 years. Then I lived 4 years in GHI Country before I came to Canada. I miss GHI Country because the GHI Country people are very nice, welcoming and warm. I came to Canada to have a better live for myself and
my two kids. Canada is a good and safe country to live in and to make my
children to grow in. There are lots of good opportunities for my continuing
education and work. For my kids, there are also good school programs and health
care. All in all, I am happy that I came to Canada.
This whole section has nothing to do with Canada. It is
off-topic.
I’m from ABC Country, but I lived in DEF Country . My family still lives there . In ABC Country , life is very difficult because of discrimination of
people of different cultures.
I came to Canada to have a better live for myself and my two kids. Canada is
a good and safe country to live in and to make my children to grow in. There
are lots of good opportunities for my continuing education and work. For my
kids, there are also good school programs and health care. All in all, I am
happy that I came to Canada.
4.5/6
Shorten this more.
Make this longer.
Example#7
Before immigrating to Canada, I lived
in ABC Country with my family. In ABC Country, although I had a good job, a
warm family and parents who loved me, we still wanted to immigrate to Canada.
There were four reasons that my family chose Canada. First of all, Canada is a
democratic country that has freedom of thoughts, religions, speech, movement
and women’s rights. Secondly, Canada is a multicultural country so Canadians
love peace instead of war. Also, people are very kind. Next, Canada has good
education systems for everyone who wants to learn knowledge. Finally, Canada
has a good environment that has clean fresh air, beautiful lakes, vast forests,
and clean food. Since I immigrated to Vancouver, I have got a lot of help from
the government, friends and other people. Therefore, I fell in love with Canada
and Canadians and I want to give back to the society.
Excellent writing.
6/6
Well organized.
The sentences are all real sentences:
simple, compound, complex.
Example #8
Internet is very harmful to children like
a drug is attractive to kids. First of all, the internet has tens of thousands of
different sources. Kids may watch some bad things that may study.
Second, internet that is easy way to let kids RW find game to play,
they play game need to spend time so thaRWt will kill their social time,
reading time. Next, internet cause some kids eyes get myopia, they have to wear
glass. For example, my friend’s son who is 14 plays game a lot, so his eyes are
500 degrees nearsighted. Finally, according to above reasons, the internet is
very harmful to children.
Good ideas. The sentence writing is weak. You need practice.
Example
#9
This is my story. In ABC Country, most adults are tired. When I was live lived
in ABC Country, I was totally a workaholic. At that time, I
travelled to Canada and I felt relaxed. Canadian people were very friendly and polite.
They looked like they enjoyed their life. I like ABC Country as well, but I do
not like ABC Country’s work style. For example, actually my job is a chef.
We worked 13 hours per day and 2 or 3 days off per month. It was terrible but I
did not say anything to my boss or employer. I had pride that it was a challenge
for my career. However finally I knew it would not be not good for my health in
the future. I decided to come to Canada, and it was a great choice for me. Now
I enjoy my life just like the Canadian who I met on my first trip in Canada.
Verbs!!! Practice, practice, practice!!
Good ideas. Well organized.
The sentences are weak in places, especially verb usage.
Example#10
I suppose that all people who
immigrate do so for specific purposes, or maybe they have to do that and leave
their country.
My family and I immigrated to Canada for getting more peace
and a more stable life . My children are going to get higher academic degrees and
we preferred select Canada to continue life RW. We are ABCian. In my
country there is not political and economical stability, so all of the people
in ABC Country are very worried about the future.We do not like to live with
stress and worries .al[AH1] though
CAP we have many facility and natural resources in our country, but
unfortunately my government have not competence to manage the country well, and
many ABCian have to emigrate to Europe, Canada and another country .I am glad
to live in Canada . Canada can give to me and my family peace and happiness and
stability in life. Though migration is very difficult in the early years , but
I hope we can achive all our goals.
This writing is very rough. The sentence need to be
rewritten.
Good ideas, but the sentences are weak.
Example#11
Canada may not be the perfect
country, but it is the perfect and best country for me. I have some reasons why
I immigrated to Canada,PUNC the important one is freedom of expression .Second
one. LivingPUNC in Canada allows me
to be my true self. I live in Canada without fear of judgment or reaction from
people. Third, I have been struggling with asthma a long time. Canada
gives fresh air to me that I need. Also, when I feel relaxed, my asthma
is better. I usually feel at peace in Canada. Finally, Canada gives me security
and respect, something I did not have in ABC Country. I glad to have the opportunity
to live in Canada.
Great idea.
Sentences need to be strengthened.
Example#12
Over use of internet can be very harmful to children from
health to life style.
health wise first affecting eyes if children because
watching a monitor. If children stay to much on the internet , it will cause
addiction to internet also content that they watch on the internet.
Internet can’t be
replaced by social, some children think , they can find social on the internet
but it’s not true, you can’t find social life on the internet it’s just cyber
social.
Games from internet
can be harmful , children can spend lot’s of time on the internet, and
it cause a addiction, internet takes real life from child.
growing in a age of internet is very different from children
who didn’t grow up with internet. If child spend plenty of time on the internet
, that child will be come lonely person without having people around him. if
child won’t be able to communicate out side of internet, that child in a real
life will be lonely.
Having too much internet in daily life will reduce life
activity like sport and other daily activity.
TOO LONG
Over use of internet can be very
harmful to children from health to life style. CAP Health wise first
affecting eyes if children because watching a monitor SV . If children stay
too much on the internet , it will cause addiction to internet also content
DIVIDE INTO SENTENCES that they watch on the internet. Internet can’t be
replaced by social, some children think , they can find social on the internet
but it’s not true, you can’t find social life on the internet it’s just cyber
social. NOT SENTENCES Games from internet
can be harmful , children can spend lot’s of time on the internet, and
it cause a addiction, internet takes real life from child. growing in a age of
internet is very different from children who didn’t grow up with internet. If
child spend plenty of time on the internet , that child will be come lonely
person without having people around him. if child won’t be able to communicate
out side of internet, that child in a real life will be lonely. Having too much
internet in daily life will reduce life activity like sport and other daily
activity.
These are not sentences.
Divide your ideas into sentences:
simple, compound, complex.
Keep working! Keep getting better.
On Monday, we will do Test#1. It
will be a paragraph of 100-150 words.
It will be on an easy topic. I
will give you two topics. You can choose one of them.
STRUCTURE OF THE PARAGRAPH:
Grabber (optional, but advised)
Topic sentence
Supporting sentences
Concluding sentence
FREE ADVICE: Make sure that you
are writing real sentences.
You can
never get away from SIMPLE, COMPOUND, COMPLEX.
Practice! Practice! Practice!
Can you tie your shoes? That was
practice.
Can you ride a bicycle? That was
practice.
Can you drive a car? That was practice.
Can you bake cookies? That was
practice.
You can do it!!
Warm water, lemon and a little bit
of salt- Thursday night
Gargle. Spit it out in the sink.
Whiskey and lemon. – Friday night
**
Topic for discussion: Old people should live with their
families, not in an old-age home.
**
conflict with mother-in-law
best of both worlds- live with family,
spend time around their peers (people their own age)
[AH1]cap
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