Bungee Jumping
1. After/Before/When the moment of truth arrived, Max had felt raw panic.
had felt- past perfect, not common for authentic English
2. As/While he stood atop the bungee tower, he felt a jackhammer in his chest.
Standing atop the bungee tower, he felt a jackhammer in his chest.
When he was standing atop the bungee tower, he felt a jackhammer in his chest.
3. His mind screamed one repeated thought: "What am I doing here?"
4. Far below was the parking lot where car windows glinted in the sun.
5. Traffic streamed by on the highway, and a small plane droned in the distance.
Traffic streamed by on the highway; meanwhile/ at the same time, a small plane droned in the distance.
6. Max squeezed his eyes shut and wished he'd never accepted the dare.
7. "You're only eighteen, but you're going to die," he told himself.
8. Then suddenly he was weightless as we was falling toward earth.
Nice variety of sentence styles- simple, compound, complex.
"Variety is the spice of life."
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